For people who keep functioning — while quietly carrying something heavy inside.
I called thrice. Waited patiently for the call back — that never came. What arrived — a one-word reply after three unanswered calls… Felt stupid. Agitated at myself for even waiting… Why do I take everything personally — that’s not even the fair question. Some ignored calls don’t matter that much, while some do. Which…
See it’s A, B, C, and D. And it’s A who is having issues with the rest three — so who is the common factor? It’s A, right. This is what I was told by someone with whom I had a very close bond. And the most painful part? Some part of me believed it….
The stare he gave was pretty intimidating, although he was a very close friend. Someone I trusted with my life. He was telling me about the time he met a very advanced soul — a senior monk who shocked my friend with something only he (my friend) knew. And my natural curiosity made me ask…
The blog showing some signs of traction building. It’s anyway new… so probably that’s encouraging. And here I’m almost automatically questioning it… Is this real? Is this going to last? What is this going to cost me? I have had enough things arrive and leave that my nervous system has stopped trusting the arrival. And…
12-13 losses… it felt shocking when I finally counted it. And either it resulted in victimhood or self-blame — aww, poor me, innocent me, or else the spiral… it was all my mistake. Why do I feel like I don’t belong anywhere — I have asked myself this more times than I can remember. Not…
Why do I feel like I’m waiting for my real life to begin — is such a painful paradox I struggle with every day. Deep inside, I know what is happening right now is life itself. Intellectually, am ok with the understanding. Yet I sit and anticipate the future, feeling like life hasn’t started yet….
I initially thought the worry was about money — how will I manage my finances after leaving my job. But it was more than that… the actual question bothering me was deeper — why don’t I know who I am anymore when there’s no one to be useful to? What happens to my identity, to…
At that point, I felt sick of giving and giving… So many so-called close people leaving… relationships fading all of a sudden without any strong reasons. The only thing I could identify was perhaps they felt like I wasn’t giving enough reasons to stay… but that wasn’t true. Probably, I was just tired of pouring…
I remember sharing with someone close to me that I was suffocating in my job and wanted to do something I like. That I needed not money, not solutions, just someone saying I’m with you, go ahead… give your best shot. I’m here for you. Rather what I got back was careful, measured response. Designed…
It was 19-20 days… to the last call. Such silences kept stretching — longer each time, always after a deep conversation It started with 2-3 days gap and reached there. I know bigggg red flag there… it’s just that I didn’t want to see that, precisely because of a genuine warmth from the other side….