I think for a child in the 90s, starting writing without any background or encouragement was pretty strange when I look back at it now… especially given not any strong reading or writing culture at home… neither it was like I learned from the internet because am talking about life before internet 🛜.

I remember jotting down my thoughts in my diary… mostly randomly in the beginning, not because someone told me to. But because I didn’t know what to do with my thoughts.

Long before I read or understood a little bit of philosophy.

Long before I read the Bhagavad Gita seriously. 

I was a child who kept wondering about death. Not in a dramatic way. Not in a tragic way.

Just quietly.

Why do people disappear?

Where do they go?

Is there something permanent inside us when everything keeps on changing outside?

No one around me spoke about these things. As I said, books were not central to our daily lives back then. Rarely heard any conversations about spirituality or philosophy…

And yet, I kept writing.

Diaries. Half-stories. Strange reflections that didn’t fit my age.

I didn’t know the word introspection nor anything about spiritual temperament. I only knew that writing felt natural, like something hits differently, as if am returning home.

Years later, some of that private writing stepped into the world.

One of my novels, Boundless Saga of Love, was accepted by Shrishti Publishers, New Delhi. It found decent readership and quietly went on to sell over two thousand copies in its initial phase, earning royalties. 

(I still laugh at myself, romantic novel, like seriously…😄)

I never mastered marketing. I never knew how to do that and never felt inclined to even try. Am too shy a person to try selling assertively.

Visibility was never my strength.

But that experience taught me something simple and steady. My voice could stand without being pushed.

Later, I also moved to poetry writing, which received some acknowledgment after being published by spiritual journals such as “Samvit” by Sarada Math. Those poems were never strategic. They were not written for applause. They were written because something inside needed expression.

But to be honest. Publishing or little shots of success didn’t make me clearer or remove any inner weight. 

In fact, some of my most externally “stable” years were internally the most unsettled.

I have worked in structured environments. I have written content that ranked. I have delivered what was expected. 

I have been called disciplined, and I know I am. But that doesn’t change the fact that it still feels heavy. Something doesn’t feel right inside.

And that heaviness is what this space was born from.

What This Space Is

This is not a spiritual instruction platform, nor a motivational page. Neither does it promise any dramatic transformation. 😎

This is a space for people who are functioning, giving their best at everything, some even enjoying much success, but feel internally unsettled.

This is for people who:

• Deal with silent pressure.
• Carry a strong image in front of everyone and even to oneself… and are scared to see themselves weakening.
• Wrestle with thoughts they don’t say out loud.
• Still believe in the Divine, but sometimes feel distant from that belief.
• Are disciplined, but occasionally exhausted by their own standards.

If you are looking for comfort-only spirituality, this may not be your place. 

If you are looking for someone to articulate what you sometimes don’t even admit to yourself, you may find something here… being here, you may feel heard, even if that may not change your circumstances, but may lighten you.

Where My Thinking Is Shaped

I am deeply influenced by the teachings of the Bhagavad Gita, Sri Ramakrishna, and Holy Mother Sri Sarada Devi.

Not as someone who has mastered them or has implemented all of it to the core. But as someone still trying to figure it out and live them. 

The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna unsettles me. Pushes me to think about aspects I WOULD rather AVOID otherwise. Helps me remember the purpose why am i here.

The Bhagavad Gita guides me.

Holy Mother steadies me.

I am not quoting scriptures to appear wise.

I read them because they reveal parts that I hide from myself.

And I write from that place.

What I Am Not

I am not a guru, nor someone enlightened, offering concrete answers. 

I am a disciplined seeker.

A reflective writer.

Someone who has tried to live up to the expectations of myself and family and learned the cost of doing so without self-awareness.

Some days I feel grounded.

Some days I feel uncertain.

Most days I am learning.

If you are expecting certainty, I cannot give that.

If you are willing to sit with uncomfortable clarity, we will get along.

Why I Continue Writing

Because writing has been my longest companion.🖊️

It existed before my career decisions, my publications, before being initiated into spiritual life, before starting structured spiritual practices.

Writing is how I connect with myself. And only if I can understand myself a little better can I attempt to understand others. I do not write to impress you or convert you or fix you. 

I write because there are thoughts that stay with us all the while, that disrupt us quietly, and they deserve a language.

Healing, if it happens, is most-welcome. We all need to heal from a lot of things.

Clarity, if it comes, is gradual.

Growth, if it unfolds, is not dramatic.

But being honest with oneself shifts something.

And that shift matters.

If You Read up to Here

Maybe you are not broken.

Maybe you are not failing.

Maybe you are simply carrying more than you admit.

If you return to this space, I hope it is not because I gave you solutions.

I hope it is because something here felt real.

Because from any of my blogs, if you read a line and thought:

“I thought I was the only one.”

That is enough.

You are welcome here, whenever you find your way back.

Debanjalee Sen